Lost & Found

When the rain falls, and it some days will
Then the pavement under my feet,
Sparkles silver and gold, in reflected light
That I otherwise wouldn’t have seen

And when the storm comes and the strong wind blows
I will bow my head to push through
And every step that I take, I will watch and pray
And be sure my foothold is true

And in the dry place, in the wilderness
When Your Word seems so far away
Oh I will think of my life and I will bless Your name
For Your promises never have failed

And when the night falls at the end of days
I will lift my eyes to the heavens
And we will shine like the stars, for eternal days
In Your presence forever and e’er


Jesus, don't You keep me from that storm
I want to walk that sacred ground
For You Are master of it all
And I am but a lost and found

-Robin Mark / East of the River-


"For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, `plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."

Continue?

H-O-P-E

Malam itu, di bawah gelapnya langit malam nyaris tak berbintang, kulantunkan bersama dengan segenap rekan-rekan lagu pengantar kebaktian penghiburan untuk keluarga seorang hamba Tuhan yang telah dipanggil Bapa pulang.

Malam itu, diantara gigitan nyamuk-nyamuk tega, aku berdiri di luar sambil berjereng ria. Pasalnya, seorang teman berdiri tepat di depanku selama kebaktian berlangsung dan berefek domino pada jerengnya mataku karena posisi kondenya yang tepat diantara kedua belah mataku, ditambah lagi ketiadaan tempat untuk berpindah posisi.

Malam itu temanku bertanya, “Kebayang ngga suasananya seperti apa kalo nanti lo mati?”, kujawab sambil tersenyum, “Hmm…ngga bakal rame kayak ginilah! Tapi…bukan itu masalahnya. Mati sendirian ngga ada yang tahu juga ngga masalah, yang penting waktu nanti buka mata lagi yang pertama gue liat Tuhan Yesus menyambut gue.” “Iya yah, gue juga deh, hehehe,” kata temanku yang sejak kukenal dia, termasuk orang yang paling tulus hatinya bersahabat denganku.

Malam itu, saat sementara yang lain menunduk dan menutup mata berdoa, kubuka mataku dan kulayangkan pandanganku ke langit di atas sana. Terngiang-ngiang lagu kesayanganku bernyanyi dan satu kalimat lewat di hadapan mata batinku, “The heart of a martyr…”

“Behold, I see the heavens opened up and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.”
Acts 7:54 NASB

The Heart of a Martyr adalah salah satu album kesayanganku yang bertutur tentang the Covenanters (keepers of the covenant), para pria dan wanita sederhana yang karena imannya kepada Juruselamat mereka menolak untuk berpaling dariNya. Penolakan yang dibayar dengan kematian mereka yang seringkali dilukiskan dengan mengerikan. Inilah kisah ribuan pria dan wanita yang mengikuti jejak Stephen, yang dijuluki sebagai martir yang pertama (lihat Kisah Para Rasul 6-7).

Membaca tuturan tentang orang-orang yang disebut martir seringkali membuatku tercenung tak habis-habis. Kematian yang penuh siksa dihadapi dengan satu sikap penuh keberanian yang sejati. Bukan kematian cepat dan mematikan melainkan yang panjang penuh siksaan. Bukan karena nekad. Bukan karena putus asa. Bukan karena rasa takut itu tiada. Bukan karena melihat kematian sebagai jalan keluar. Apakah kiranya yang menguatkan mereka begitu rupa? Sementara kita lihat dimana-mana bagaimana kematian begitu ditakuti. Ditolak kenyataannya. Diperlakukan seolah-olah hal itu tidak akan pernah terjadi. Bahkan menghancurkan orang-orang yang ditinggalkan si mati.

Di sisi lain aku melihat ada orang-orang lain yang sekilas serupa benar para martir ini. Yaitu mereka yang juga dengan begitu berani menghadapi kematian mereka. Sebut saja para pilot Kamikaze Jepang di Perang Dunia II, para prajurit Alexander Agung, para pelaku bom bunuh diri. Siapa yang menyangkal bahwa mereka semua berani mati? Bahkan mampu menyambut kematian dengan tawa, terlepas dari isu tentang penggunaan obat yang membius mereka kala melakukannya.

Sehingga satu hal yang membuatku merenung karena ada banyak pengikut Kristus yang menjalani hidupnya dengan "kesediaan" menjalani penderitaan tapi tanpa berani berharap akan suatu keadaan yang penuh harapan di dalam Kristus. Kalau bisa aku katakan menderita demi penderitaan itu sendiri. Bahkan menjadikan penderitaan sebagai tujuan hidup mereka. Meskipun pada sisi pendulum lain ada orang-orang Kristen yang begitu takut pada penderitaan dan tidak bisa melihat bahwa penderitaan pun dipakai Tuhan untuk menjadikan kita semakin serupa Kristus. Banyak anak Tuhan di dalam pergumulan hidupnya seringkali dijadikan tertuduh tanpa belas kasihan oleh setan dan hati nuraninya sendiri sehingga tidak berani mencari kekuatan dan pertolongan dari Tuhan. Akibatnya mereka dilumpuhkan oleh penderitaan. Tanpa pengharapan. Tanpa mengerti dan mengecap penebusan sempurna yang sudah Tuhan lakukan. Kita melupakan apa yang dikatakan penulis Ibrani, "Therefore, let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need." - Hebrews 4:16 NASB. Akankah kita menyebut mereka sebagai martir karena merekapun bersedia menderita demi nama Kristus?

Satu kisah di John 8 tentang the Adulterous Woman yang dijadikan alat oleh para orang Farisi yang berusaha menjebak Yesus yang begitu mereka benci, menolongku untuk semakin mengerti bahwa Tuhan tidak menghakimi demi penghakiman itu semata. Bukan berarti wanita pezinah itu tidak berdosa. Bukan berarti bahwa dosanya tidak berarti. Tetapi inilah kenyataannya. Tuhan datang bukan untuk menghakimi anak-anakNya, umat pilihan yang ditebusnya, melainkan justru untuk membebaskan kita dari hal itu. Untuk memberikan suatu hidup yang penuh pengharapan sehingga seperti para martir yang mengisi deretan the Hall of Faith, kita tidak pernah memandang kematian atau penderitaan dan hanya berhenti disana.

Ada ilustrasi tentang magnet dan paku. Sebatang magnet akan dengan kuatnya membuat paku-paku besi menempel padanya. Dan kalau ada yang hendak menarik paku-paku itu dari tempatnya, harus berhadapan dengan kekuatan dari si magnet itu. Bukan kekuatan si paku. Seperti itulah penderitaan yang ada di dunia ini berusaha menarik anak-anak Tuhan menjauh dariNya, menghancurkan kita. Tetapi adalah kekuatan si magnet yang tetap melekatkan paku-paku itu padanya. Kristus mati untuk terus melekatkan kita kepadaNya setelah kita dijauhkan dariNya karena dosa-dosa kita. Kalau begitu kenapa kita membiarkan hati nurani dan setan menghakimi kita begitu kejam, kenapa kita tidak dengan penuh kepercayaan mencari wajahNya, pertolonganNya, kekuatan dariNya di saat penderitaan menerjang?

Harapan. Satu kata yang luar biasa indah. Ia ada karena ada pengorbananNya. Ia terus hidup karena ada karya penebusanNya. Pengharapan. Itulah yang hidup di dalam jiwa para martir Kristus. Itulah yang membuat mereka terus bertahan hingga akhir hidup di kefanaan mereka. Tidak ada satupun yang mampu meruntuhkan mereka karena satu pengharapan bahwa kesesakan bukan selamanya, Penderitaan bukan akhir kisah mereka. Kematian bukan ujung cerita. Selalu ada pengharapan di dalam Dia. Itulah yang telah memampukan Ayub berkata,

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

Chorus:
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord Blessed be your name
(Blessed Be Your Name - Robin Mark)

Buatku itulah salah satu arti menikmati Allah. Menikmati kuasa penebusanNya yang mengubah segala keputusasaan menjadi pengharapan. Tidak menjadikan kematian sebagai pembebasan ataupun penderitaan sebagai tujuan. Pengharapan. Seperti yang rasul Paulus katakan, "Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus according to the commandment of God our Saviour, and of Christ Jesus, who is our hope,..." 1 Timothy 1:1 NASB.

"Kalo nanti gue mati, janji yah lo akan dateng liat wajah gue buat terakhir kalinya," temanku berkata lagi, "Sip! Janji. Gue pasti dateng dan liat." Iya, aku pasti mau lihat karena melihat jeleknya sisi gelap kematian pasti semakin membuatku menghargai keindahan kebangkitan kita di dalam Kristus!

Continue?

His Grace

She just received a letter today..., from a dear friend whom she recently got acquainted..., through an unusual way... This lady friend has been a true example for her..., about believing in the Lord's providence..., she has been blessed with her friend's sharing all these times... This is something she would keep for life..., in understanding more of the dear Lord's way..., in providing for His beloved children... His eyes never leaves His beloved ones...

Sometimes the night was beautiful
Sometimes the sky was so far away
Sometimes it seemed to stoop so close
You could touch it but your heart would break
Sometimes the morning came too soon
Sometimes the day could be so hot
There was so much work left to do
But so much You'd already done

Sent: Tuesday, July 24, 2007 10:14 AM
Subject: Hola: on the Move

Hola mis Familia y Amigos,

Well it has come time for me to move. The packers were here all day and will be back to finsh packing up our belongings. Then on Wed and Thursday they will load the truck. There is a tree being planted in memory of Dan on Little Creek base. After the ceremony Danielle and I will head for our new home. Well mine anyways. Hers temporarily. Heidi and Ilene, she flew in to see heidi, are driving down to help me unpack and get settled in.

My new business is shaping up and I hope to have it running by Sept. I already have orders coming in. One of the movers has put an order in too. Here is what I will be doing. Imprinting. I have bought a puzzle machine, a cup heat press and a Flat heat press which will allow me to imprint just about anything that is realtively flat up to in inch thick. I'm looking forward to taking some of my photos and imprinting them on tiles and also making them into puzzles.

Well I promised that I would let you all know what has been happening since Dan' s death. One I have been setting up my business, I have been working on adopting Ray, my oldest granson, who Dan and I have had custody of since he was one. This will enable Ray to get death benefits from social security. They require that Ray be adopted and an actual child of ours before he qualifies for benefits. It didn't matter that Dan was his sole support for four years and that I would continue to be his guardian. that process is almost done. I have had all my home visits and and been investigated quite well. The adoption agency that handled the home studies and did all the investgating has approved me and has sent the forms and approval notice to my lawyer. all it needs now it to be approved by a judge. And it will be final. I have not yet put my house up for sale because i need to maintain a residence in Virginia until the adoption is complete. So Danielle and I will come back here and finish some projects that Dan and I started and did not quite get finished. it will much easier to do with everything out of the house. althoug we do have the upstairs bathroom almost finished and the master bath room is about half way. I have been getting Ray ready for school as well. He will start kindergarten this year. I bought a Bishon as a companion for Ray and I. Dakota and Danielle will be moving to where ever her husband Rick gets stationed. It is in the works for him to go to Camp Addleberry in Indiana to be an instructor there.

The Lord continues to bless. I also promised to tell you all about how the Lord has taken care of me during this time. Where to start? Most of you know that we spent 3 years in Spain at Naval Station Rota. that was our fiisrt duty station. Dan then got assigned to Derson 2. He was suppose to do this for two years but in the middle of his assignment they created the OMC, Operational Ministy Center. They switched Dan's orders from Desron 2 to the OMC and extended his time here one more year. It is the norm to start searching for your next duty assignment a year in advance. So since we thought Dan was only going to be here for two year we started to pray about his next assignment almost as soon as we got here.

Now usually when we pray about this something usually jumps out at us when we are looking at openings. This time nothing. We prayed and prayed some more and still nothing. well we went ahead and made a "wish list" of the places we thought would be interesting. And then we prayed some more. we ad made ours choices based on location in relation to where our daughters lived and to whatever openings were on the Marine side. dan wanted to do his Marine time while he was still relatively young. Through this whole process the Lord was silent. No nudges no sense of peace just a blank silence. So we thought maybe the Lord didn't want Dan in the Navy anymore. Ok then if not what and where then? We prayed some more. Dan researched different types of ministries and we prayed about each one and still the silence, nothing. We did this for almost two years. Dan finally decided to stay in the Navy until he had clear guidance from God on what to do.

While he was deployed for six months Dan emailed and told me to open an account in my name. In the 24 years we had been married we have never had a seperate account now Dan was insisting that I do this. Then in the fall after he got back from deployment I decided to get a credit card in my name to establish credit in my name. Again I had never seriously thought to do this before. About a year earlyier I had started to save some money to start my own business. In hind sight I can see the hand of God working to make sure I was set for the time of Dan's death. These were not the only things that happened.

Dan's Commador allowed him to come home a month early from deployment so we could celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. The girls gave us a wonderful party to celebrate in early December since we thought he was getting home in late December. Out pastor here in Deep Creek told Dan of a hunting place where he go to hunt squirrel. So he got to do that several times. He got to deer hunt with his brother one last time. Scott, his friend when Dan would call him at work alwys seemed to get another call on another line or some one would come to his office and their conversations only lasted about five minutes. The friday before Dan died he called his friend and they were not interupred for about 20 minutes. God gave him this time with his friend one last time. Our nephew Jason drives truck and is somtimes in the area. Everytime jason would happen to be in the area he would call and ask if we could get together. Everytime Dan and i were on our way ut the door to attend afunction of one sort or another. One day in the week before Dan died jason called, he was in town. I almost told him that Dan was not able to come and see him when I looked at the clock and noticed the time. Dan would be leaving the base soon. I gave Jason his cell phone # and told him to call Dan. They were able to get together and spend time together one last time.

In December Dan finally got to see all of the grandbabies at one time. Our whole family was together except for Danielle's new husband who was in Kosovo. Dan even got to perform Danielle's wedding ceremony since the Commador allowed him to come home early. We got to spend one more Christmas together and his 46th birthday was spent in California at Ilene's place. We finally got to meet TC's parent who had been wanting us to come and visit every since Ilene and TC got married but it never seemed to work out until then. We celebrated the Chinese New Year with TC's family in California. While we were there Dan started talking about how we should get some burial plots. And he wondered if there was any spots left up at Tunnel Hill Chapel where we got married. One week to the day of Dan's death We got to see one of our daughters give her heart to the Lord. I had never heard our pastor to ask for a show of hands of those who had given their heart to Lord when he had prayed at the end of the service. Danielle raised her hand. God had given this special blessing to Dan before He took him home.

After we came home and about a week before Dan died we were out for our normal evening walk. As usual we talked about whatever was on our minds. This night we were discussing once again whether he should stay in the navy or if the Lord wanted him else where. Several times before we had talked about what we would do if one of us died and Dan would always say Grace you'll be fine the Lord will look after you. We also touched on this subject that night of our walk as well. What was different that night was not his expressed wish that the Lord would take him home. He had sad that before. But that night he said "I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm tired of moving and just want to stay still. The best thing that could happen is if the Lord would take me home right now." Dan had never before expressed a desire to not move around. He loved meeting new people and exploring new places. Just recently I realized that Dan had also started talking about taking Ray hunting that year. This was also unusual because in Dan's opinion a child of 4 should not be out hunting.

In hind sight I can see God's hand preparing me for that night of his accident and what was to come after. God has sent so many special people into my life to help me thru this time. Starting with the first person to show up at the accident. A lady who was traveling in the opposite direction then Dan and I were happend to be an EMT. She seen the accident starting to happen and called 911 as it was happening. Thank God she did because I couldn't figure out how to use Dan's cell phone and called Danielle by accident or probably not an accident after all but a part of God's plan. I have no idea how I called her because I was pushing buttons and the 911 #'s. It was great because Danielle was able to go across the street to a military ombudsman and was able to notifiy Dan's commanding officer's right away. She was also able to get to the hospital where they life flighted Dan.(Richmond) To look at Dan you would not have thought he was seriously injured. Outwardly he only had a couple inch gash on the back of his head that didn't bleed much. He wasn't all scratched up nor were his clothes. They decided to life flight Dan becuase he was non responsive to us. He was awake but incoherent. He just kept saying to help him because it hurt and kept trying to stand up. The lady EMT that stopped to help and I had a hard time keeping him still. We finally managed to get him to sit and lean back agaisnt me on the ground. That was the best we could do. I'm glad the emergency unit got there quick. while Dan was being Life flighted Ray and i drove to the VMC (??) in Richmond. While we were driving Ray said " Grandma there were three and now there is only two." That hit me hard but I prayed "Your will be done." God's way of preparing me for what I would be told later I guess.

After I got to the hospital and the doctors ran some tests I was told that Dan's injuries were non opperable. His aorta had split vertically all the way from his heart to where it splits to go into the legs. this was a rare occurance. The Doctors said that most people don't make it to the hospital with this kind of injury and if they do make it most don't survive once they get there. This injury coupled with his head injury made it impossible to opperate. Which was perfectly fine because Dan never wanted to be hooked up to machines and kept alive. Nor did they even have a choice as to trying to resucitate him. God granted his wish that when he died he would be left alone and not brought back. The Doctors that worked on dan were all christians. After they gave me the news about Dan's injuries we gathered in a circle and prayed, their idea not mine. The lady chaplain that was on duty that night was a literal God send. I don't know what I would have done without her.

Chaplains from the OMC office came and gave us support and made sure we got home safely. it would take another book just to explain how the military took care of me dring this time. They were truly an extended family. and God sure put us in the right spot when we bought our house. My neighbors were fantastic. I wish I could pack them up and take them with me when I move. Their love, care and prayers helped so much. Not only did the Lord send me wonderful people in my neighbors and the military but also at my bank. I wish I could pack them up as well. They just surrounded me with love and support when they found out my husbnd died. Now when I go in they always ask how I'm doing and give me a hug. Remember when I told you that Dan insisted that I have a seperate account. The Caco Officer (Casualty Assistance Officer) gave me a check of 100,000.00 dollars (from Dan's military Life insurance) and told me to open an account in my name because they would probably freeze our joint account for a while. I was able to tell him I already had one. After a while it also hit me that I already have credit established in my own name which is important at a time like this. It also hit me that I would now be able to buy the equipment for my business. Through Dan's military life insurance, our personal life insurance, a VA annuity, a military annuity and a church conference annuity I'm am taken care of financially. I was able to buy my new home out right, pay off our car loan and our credit cards in full. fills kind of weird not having any kind of debt except for the house payment, which will be done once I sell this house. Yes, the Lord has definately taken care of me just like Dan said he would.

There is so much more that God has done since Dan died including sending the Orkin man (termite inspector) just when I needed help unloading freight (my heat presses) off the back of a freight truck. That was trully an answer to prayer. And now the main guy that is packing up my belongings is a Christian. And when he found out that Dan had been a chaplain he asked if i had any books or things that he could have because he really wanted to study and grow in the Lord. I had already seperated some bible study books that I had originally planned to give to our pastor but had decided not to. And they were already in their own box. I had a great time today discussing with this young man the wonders of God. At every turn God has thrown these wonderful people in my way. Not only did this young man say that I have inspired him today by the way i have dealt with Dan's death but one of the ladies at the bank had a sister die suddenly at the age of 46. Same age as Dan and she had a 3 year old son whom her sister had babysat for while she and her husband worked. It was my turn to let her talk and to give a hug. Not only did I know where she was coming from in having a loved one die suddenly but I also knew first hand what it was like to deal with a preschooler during this time of loss.

I don't understand why the Lord decided to take Dan home. Sorry Rick, but this is one time I can honestly say "It was meant to be". "It was God's will!" No matter which way I look at it technically this accident should not have happened. The roads were perfect, a four lane divided by a grassy knoll and not a car, animal, gravel or pot hole in sight. I had the bike tested and there is nothing wrong with the bike. And the autopsy found nothing unusual with Dan. I honestly believe that if he had not been on that bike then something else would have happend that day. It also finally dawned on me why we were getting no answer to almost two years of prayer. God had other plans. While I miss Dan alot I have a peace about what has happened. I even have joy. It has been a weird and exciting time in my life because through all this God has revealed himself to me in so many ways. I know that sounds rather an odd way of talking about the death of your husband but there is not any other way of explaining it. As you can see the Lord has been at work and I didn't even tell half of what I could have.

Love and prayers.
Grace

PS sorry this was so long. Would love to hear from you all. If you email I will be off line for a few days while my things get packed and shipped to my new home.

CHORUS:
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
Oh God, You are my God
And I will ever praise You
I will seek You in the morning
And I will learn to walk in Your ways
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days

Sometimes I think of Abraham
How one star he saw had been lit for me
He was a stranger in this land
And I am that, no less than he
And on this road to righteousness
Sometimes the climb can be so steep
I may falter in my steps
But never beyond Your reach

CHORUS
And I will follow You all of my days
And I will follow You all of my days
And step by step You'll lead me
And I will follow You all of my days
And I will follow You all of my days
(Sometimes the night was beautiful)
And I will follow You all of my days

Sometimes By Step
Rich Mullins
(one of her most favorites songs ever!)

Continue?

Come What May

Mobilku tercinta meminta perhatian lagi. Panther hijau tentara berusia 12 tahun itu sudah setia menemaniku sejak tahun awal 1998. Pelindung yang Tuhan berikan saat-saat orang yang berniat jahat mendatangiku. Melaluinya Tuhan mengajarkanku arti hidup dalam kelimpahan dan bersyukur. Pendeknya, dia jadi saksi berbagai peristiwa dalam hidupku.

Duduk diam dengan manis di bengkel langganan setelah sejenak bercakap-cakap dengan Nyonya pemiliknya, perhatianku kini teralih pada mobil keluarga mereka. Tak kalah tuanya dengan milikku tapi jangan pernah meremehkan kehandalannya, kehalusan mesinnya yang terawat melampaui banyak mobil-mobil baru yang kurang terawat.

Dan waktu kualihkan pandanganku ke pasangan suami-istri pemilik bengkel yang sudah berusia pertengahan 50-an, aku jadi belajar hari tentang arti pernikahan dan pasangan. Mereka berdua seperti mobil milik mereka. Berumur tapi karena terus dirawat, jangan pernah remehkan kehandalan mereka untuk bertahan dalam ikatan pernikahannya.


Salah satu yang paling menghancurkan hatiku adalah saat pasangan-pasangan suami-istri yang mengalami kesulitan di dalam hubungan mereka kemudian memilih untuk berpisah dan tidak sedikit yang kemudian menjalin hubungan dengan pasangan yang baru hanya untuk mengalami hal yang serupa, seringkali lebih buruk daripada yang sebelumnya. Dan bukan hanya relasi dengan pasangan saja, dalam relasi apapun selalu ada kisah yang tidak berbeda. Orangtua dengan anak. Antar teman atau rekan kerja. Pimpinan dan yang dipimpin. Seringkali orang berpikiran relasi rusak karena orang lain begini dan begitu. Padahal yang seringkali menjadi masalahnya adalah relasi apapun memerlukan pihak-pihak yang terlibat untuk merawat relasi itu. It takes two to tango.

Aku jadi ingat satu kalimat di lagu tema film Moulin Rouge, “Come What May!” Sudah lama aku dengarkan lagu itu, lebih dari sekali pula karena melodi dan aransemennya yang kusukai. Tenor Ewan McGregor dipadu suara Nicole Kidman indah sekali terdengar. Tapi baru akhir-akhir inilah kusadari bahwa liriknya bersusunan seperti ini.

Never knew I could feel like this
Like I’ve never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you, until the end of time

Come what may, come what may
I will love you, until my dying day

Yang menarik perhatianku adalah Reff.-nya dimana kata-kata “come what may” diletakkan mendahului “I will love you until my dying day”. Buatku itu seperti mengingatkanku bahwa komitmen harus selalu melampaui perasaan kita.

Aku tertarik membagi sedikit dari yang kubaca tentang pernikahan oleh Les dan Leslie Parrott dalam salah satu bukunya When Bad Things Happen To Good Marriages memberikan cerita tentang sepasang suami-istri yang aku coba ceritakaan ulang sebagai berikut:

Seandainya Anda mengeluarkan kertas kuning dan menyebutkan cara-cara untuk membuat suatu pernikahan menyengsarakan, saya rasa Anda takkan menemukan strategi paling efektif untuk menghancurkan hubungan nyata antara Ted dengan Liz. Mereka berlayar dengan mulus di tahun-tahun awal pernikahan mereka, menangani pergumulan-pergumulan yang umum seperti masalah komunikasi. Tetapi tidak lama setelah kelahiran anak yang pertama, Ted dan Liz terhantam oleh berbagai pukulan yang tak dapat diramalkan.

Pertama, Liz terkena kanker payudara. Empat tahun kemudian Ted kehilangan pekerjaannya karena berselingkuh dengan seorang wanita di tempat kerjanya. Bertobat, ia memohon Liz tidak meninggalkannya, dan, setelah mempertimbangkan dengan nelangsa, Liz memutuskan untuk tidak meninggalkannya. Tetapi sementara mereka berusaha memperbaiki kerusakan yang diakitbatkan Ted, situasi dipersulit dengan tidak adanya pekerjaan. Tanpa ampun mereka jatuh ke dalam masalah keuangan. Kesulitan mereka tidak berakhir disana. Saat adik lelaki Ted tewas dalam kecelakaan mobil, Ted terpuruk ke dalam depresi klinis, sehingga tinggallah Liz dengan seorang bayi kecil, anggaran pas-pasan dan suami yang terlepas secara emosional.

Tetapi hari ini, hampir 20 tahun setelah kelahiran bayi mereka yang pertama, Ted dan Liz tetap saja menikah bahagia. Kalau Anda tidak tahu kisah mereka, mungkin Anda tidak akan menyangka tentang penderitaan yang mereka derita. Mengapa? Karena mereka belajar memerangi hal-hal buruk. Tidak dengan cepat. Tidak dengan mudah. Tetapi dengan berjalannya waktu, secara bertahapa, selangkah demi selangkah, mereka membangun kembali pernikahan mereka.

Seandainya Anda uraikan di atas kertas kuning seperti apa pasangan yang bahagia itu, Anda akan sulit menemukan pasangan lain yang menyamai Ted dan Liz hari ini.

Ada berbagai hal dari buku itu yang layak dibaca termasuk kutipan-kutipan indah yang aku coba bagikan beberapa diantaranya:

“Pengharapan memiliki dua puteri yang cantik. Nama mereka adalah amarah serta keberanian; amarah terhadap segalanya yang apa adanya, dan keberanian untuk melihat bahwa segalanya itu takkan tetap seperti apa adanya (St. Augustine).”

“Pernikahan yang baik adalah kesatuan dari dua orang pengampun (Ruth B. Graham).

“Kebanyakan orang yang gagal adalah orang-orang yang tidak sadar betapa dekat mereka itu dengan sukses ketika mereka menyerah (Thomas A. Edison).”


Bicara tentang pernikahan tentu saja aku belum layak karena semua yang kuketahui hanyalah sebatas kognitif. Tak terhitung banyaknya pasangan yang bercerita padaku bahwa meskipun mereka tahu dari sebelum menikah akan kesulitan-kesulitan yang mungkin menghadang kehidupan pernikahan mereka, tapi saat menjalaninya kesulitan-kesulitan itu betul-betul menjadi jauh lebih besar dibandingkan yang bisa mereka perkirakan.

Tapi untuk inilah aku bersyukur, bahwa orang-orang yang bercerita tentang kesulitan-kesulitan itu adalah juga orang-orang yang menceritakan padaku bahwa semua itu tetap tidak akan membuat mereka mundur dari pernikahan mereka, bahkan di saat paling menghancurkan sekalipun. Dan itu semua dimungkinkan karena semakin mengertinya mereka bahwa pernikahan mereka sesungguhnya adalah sarana yang Tuhan berikan untuk semakin memuliakan dan menikmatiNya.

Hingga saat aku dewasa, hanya sedikit sekali aku berkesempatan mengenal keindahan-keindahan yang ada di dalam suatu pernikahan. Aku mengerti kini, itulah sebabnya Tuhan sendirilah yang mengajarkan berbagai hal itu lewat orang-orang ini. Dan yang paling indah, lewat semua itu aku justru semakin mengerti dalamnya cinta Tuhan buatku.

Ada terlalu banyak ayat-ayat di Alkitab yang mengajarkan kita tentang hal ini. Di lain kali aku akan coba menuliskannya, terutama analogi hubungan suami-istri yang menjadi bayang-bayang hubungan Kristus dengan jemaatNya. Until then, inilah salah satu ayat yang selalu kuingat sekarang…

“Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers many transgressions.”
Proverb 10:12 NASB

I’m no superman, but I love you the best I can. Don’t you know I’m just flesh and bone but without you I feel like flying. Don’t you know I’m no superman, but I’ll always be your man… (Ronan Keating – Superman)

Jangan lewatkan membaca ini: John Piper on Divorce

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The Gentle Healer

The Gentle Healer came into our town today
He touched blind eyes and the darkness left to stay
But more than the blindness, He took their sins away
The Gentle Healer came into our town today

The Gentle Healer came into our town today
He spoke one word, that was all He had to say
And the one who had died just rose up straight away
The Gentle Healer came into our town today

Oh He seems like just an ordinary man
With dirty feet and rough but gentle hands
But the words He says are hard to understand
And yet He seems like just an ordinary man

The Gentle Healer, He left our town today
I just looked around and found He'd gone away
Some folks from town who followed Him they say
The Gentle Healer is the Truth, the Life, the Way

By Selah
The Duets Album - Bless the Broken Road

"Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me."

John 14:6 NASB

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"Bless the Broken Road"

It is such a rare occasion that I encountered a beautiful love song like this. It is beautiful because it understands and knows that there is no true relationship unless God is in it. I sometimes wonder why there are no more of love songs that acknowledge God's presence in a relationship. Too many of love songs sung only tell about the horizontal relationship and forgetting that without the vertical relationship, it all means nothing. Simply nothing, no matter how beautiful that relationship seems to appear.

So, this one love song is special to me, it is beautifully sung by a group name Selah (remember this word in Psalm?). Do you want to check it out?

I set out on a narrow road many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
I wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Chorus:
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were just northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to take the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Bridge:
Now I'm just rolling home into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

Yes, God blessed the broken road
And led me straight to you

I got married to an amazing man at the age of 34. It isn't that I didn't want to settle down before that, I just hadn't met "the one". It seems society kind of puts a stigma on those that are single and thirty-something or forty-something. Let me tell you, don't listen to everyone else. God's timing is perfect! He has a plan for each and everyone of us. "Bless the Broken Road" talks about all the different roads one goes down to find their true love. It could also be about how you met your best friend or how you found the Lord.

When I would get lonely and frustrated, waiting on my husband to come along, I always tried to remind myself of one very important thing. God is in control! He's always been there and always will be. I am so thankful I handed God the reigns because, with Him, I knew I'd go down the right path.

- Melodie Crittenden

Dear Lord, little does Melodie know how her sayings go closely along with a story of a little woman whom I once knew. A little woman whose broken road led her to one godly man of Yours. A little woman who only heaven knows why broke her every chance of knowing Your love through that lad. A little woman who got to learn about love in a really hard way yet she now knows of Your great love a little more. A little woman who is now to pass Your love through her broken-yet-redeemed road. Thank you Lord for a part of that little woman in me...

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Who Am I

Dear Lord Jesus my sweetest Saviour,

As I lay me down to sleep tonite, thank you for this beautiful song You gave to me in the very moments of my life where I am learning with great difficulties of who I really am before You...
Thank you for such beautiful lullaby in confirming my true identity after being so long tossed around in the ocean of unmerciful sin...
Thank you for reviving my soul from the death and claim me Yours...

Who am I
That the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I
That the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You tell me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours

Who am I
That the eyes that see our sins
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I
That the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me

Sheila Walsh - Celtic Worship (Mark Hall)

"O LORD, what is man, that You take knowledge of him? Or the son of man, that You think of him? Man is like a mere breath; his days are like a passing shadow."
Psalm 144 : 3-4 NASB

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HIS Light and I

Jesus said, "I am the way;

I am the truth and I am the life.

No one cometh, unto the Father;

but by Me!"

Nyanyian itulah yang terngiang2 di kepala saya di siang itu saat mengikuti persekutuan kantor yang membahas ayat Yohanes 14:6. Membawa saya ke satu waktu beberapa tahun yang lalu saat Pendeta saya dengan sabar berusaha mengajarkan lagu tersebut kepada para jemaat, sambil tersenyum menatap saya, organis-nya yang tone-deaf, mungkin dengan maksud menyemangati. Hasilnya saya semakin panik memencet tombol2 transpose di organ mencari kunci nada yang tepat sambil juga turut menyanyikan lagu itu. Tanpa sadar saya terus mengganti kata terakhir "Life" dengan "Light"...!!!

Mungkin memori itulah yang akhirnya terus mengingatkan saya akan Yesus Kristus sebagai the Light of my life (whoaa... jadi ingat lagu LeAnn Rhymes juga deh..!). The Light yang menyinari kegelapan hati saya yang terdalam, menerangi bebalnya pengertian saya akan firman Tuhan, membangkitkan jiwa saya yang hancur saat penderitaan memeluk erat hidup saya. Ah Tuhan..., teringat diri ini jadinya akan kisah tentang sebatang lilin kecil.

"Dan kau lilin-lilin kecil, sanggupkah kau berpijar, sanggupkah kau memberi, seberkas cahaya?"

the story of a little candle is a story of BROKENNESS...

sebatang lilin akan gagal menjalankan tugasnya kalau tidak membiarkan dirinya hancur dibakar api kebenaran Kristus. Ia bisa berfungsi kala bersedia hancur seperti si lilin kecil. Lelehannya ibarat tetesan airmata yang menangisi dosa2 yang ditinggalkan. Saya jadi ingat lilin yang tidak habis2 meski dibakar begitu lama. Lilin kaleng. Saat dibakar, leburlah ia menjadi cairan yang terus memberi bahan agar sang sumbu terus menyala. Ah Tuhan... bukankah Engkaulah sesungguhnya wadah lilin itu? Segala api kebenaranMu tidak pernah menghancurkan apapun kecuali diri kami yang berdosa. Hal itupun dengan indah Kau ubah menjadi alatMu menerangi dunia.

the story of this little candle is a story of living in the DARKNESS...

pernahkah kita menyalakan lilin sebagai fungsi penerang di tempat yang bermandikan cahaya? Kegelapanlah yang membuat si lilin menjadi berguna. Anak-anak Tuhan tetaplah harus tinggal juga di dunia yang gelap ini tetapi dengan terang Kristus dimampukan menjadi alat yang mengusir kegelapan. "I do not ask You to take them out of the world, but to keep them from the evil one... Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is the truth."

the story of a little candle is a story of DEPENDENCE...

si lilin kecil tidak akan pernah mampu memberikan seberkas cahaya tanpa cahaya itu datang kepadanya. Begitu banyak kali kita dengan bodoh berbangga akan cahaya yang hadir dalam diri kita tanpa pernah mengingat bukan kitalah si sumber cahaya. TanpaNya segala apapun yang kita miliki tidak akan pernah bisa bersinar menerangi dunia. "I am the Light of the world;..."

the story of a little candle is a story of OTHERS...

tidak pernah sebatang lilin yang bercahaya hanya menerangi dirinya sendiri. Dia akan selalu turut menerangi sekelilingnya sekecil apapun cahaya yang dimilikinya. Dia tidak pernah dihancurkan merely for the sake of being broken alone. Tuhan tidak pernah membiarkan penderitaan menjamah anak2Nya kalau tidak kemudian akan mengubah hal itu menjadi sesuatu yang indah, bagi banyak orang. "...God causes all things to work together for good..."

the story a little candle is a story of HIM...

sesungguhnya, ini bukanlah kisah tentang sebatang lilin kecil itu. Ini adalah kisah tentang seberkas cahaya yang menerangi kegelapan. Di dalam kegelapan, perhatikanlah adakah yang jadi perhatian adalah sebatang lilin itu? Tentu tidak. Dia tidak pernah berguna tanpa api yang membakar dirinya. Sang cahayalah yang menjadi pengharapan mereka yang ada di dalam kegelapan. Ah Tuhan... tapi bodoh betul diri ini yang seringkali berharap menjadi dambaan setiap orang, bermimpi menjadi sumber cahaya itu sendiri. Padahal yang dibutuhkan mereka yang ada di kegelapan adalah Engkau. Sang Cahaya yang sejati.

I started by thinking this is my story, brothers and sisters in Christ... My brokenness. My darkness. Not others. But you see... eventually I came down to realize that it is actually the story about His brokenness spent in the darkness to crush my dependence on sins so that I will be made crushed for others. It is not about me LORD, ....it is actually about You...

in the redeemed brokenness

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